We all know that words have great power in people. While it is true that actions teach, words can stab like a dagger through the heart when misused. In this sense, it is important that parents know how to choose well the words that they want to transmit to their children, but they also have to know how to select well those that they should not say.
Do I have to tell you 100 times?
This is a classic. By saying to your kids, “Do I have to tell you this 100 times?” You’re basically complaining about how much you need to say things to them as if they weren’t listening. Instead, try saying, “I told you this before, but could you please …?” In this way, you will make the children feel that they must comply, and you will not have to repeat things many times. Also, make sure your children are actually listening to you when you speak to them.
Older kids don’t do that.
A very common example of this is “older boys (or girls) don’t cry,” generally followed by “crying is only for babies.” Whether it’s crying or anything else, let the children be children. If there is something you are not satisfied with, never use their age as an excuse. Instead, try saying, “I don’t think it’s a good idea to do that because …”
That’s only for boys (or girls)
Limiting boys and girls to what they can and cannot do based on their gender tells them that there are certain ways that boys should behave and certain ways that girls should behave, and if they don’t comply, it’s wrong. It puts kids in bubbles, and they grow up believing in toxic social gender roles. Instead, try saying, “It’s not a good idea for you to do that.”
I am disappointed in you.
As much as disappointment is a valid feeling, saying this to your children can cause an emotional scar. Many people grow up believing that they are a disappointment to their families because their parents tell them this without thinking throughout their lives. Instead, try saying something like, “I am not happy with your actions. Please avoid doing ‘that’ in the future. “
Either you listen to me or …
Surely this sounds more like a threat than anything else. Using fear to discipline children is unhealthy and generally counterproductive. Simply explain why you want something done, and they will be more likely to comply. So instead of this, you’d better say something like, “Please do ‘this’ because ‘that’ is not the right thing to do.”
Because I say so
The “like I say or nothing” or “because I am an adult and you are a child” approach may have been used for a long time, but that does not make it the correct way to discipline children. It makes children feel that their opinions are not valid simply because they are young. Instead, explain why you want something done in a certain way.
You live under my roof, so you follow my rules.
These statements make your child feel uncomfortable in his own home, and in addition to being emotionally on edge, he has anxiety. Instead of this, it is better to say things like: “You know the rules of this family, do not forget to follow them.”
This is how I grew up.
Although we learn a lot about parenting based on how we were raised, it is very closed-minded to turn down a child’s request or to condemn their actions by saying, “this is how I was raised.” Instead, explain to your child why you feel a certain way instead of rushing to “turn it off” with that phrase. You can use it as an example, but it shouldn’t be your main argument. Instead, you could say things like, “I don’t think it’s a good idea to do it. My parents used to tell me to wait for the adults to be quiet before speaking. “
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